Okay, so I'm officially borderline bipolar. They can't decide if I'm more unipolar with frequent periods of hypomania or truly bipolar -- after a routine evaluation and reviewing my records, the NP was like "my God, you're just right on the fence - how frustrating," so they're starting me on a low dose of antidepressants and if I don't go into a manic phase in a couple of weeks, they'll up the dose to the standard dose for people with long term unipolar depression. If I stay non-manic, than I'm probably more unipolar than bi. So basically they're just throwing pills at me right now and seeing what will hold. Hopefully, it won't be as rough a ride as birth control was.
It's been a long, kind of odd day. Also expensive. (I'm on generic Lexapro, which is $100 for a thirty days' supply.) It's like I started off at work in the normal way and then got sucked into Bizarro World for my 2:00 appointment and then just stayed there until I got out of therapy at six.
Also, both my therapists (man) are advising me to really cut down my museum hours, which I don't mind so much. I no longer know what I'm staying there to prove. I'm going to be at the museum both days this coming weekend, maybe being there while medicated will help clear my vision of the place, help me figure out if I'm achieving what I want without the distracting fog of emotions covering everything up.